Wow... What a crazy realization. I will never NOT be a mommy again! (yikes. I used a double negative... sorry) I am thrilled and overwhelmed and excited and terrified all at the same time! It is a remarkable feeling but also extremely surreal. Most women get to experience the child living inside of their bodies. They feel the baby kick and move. They get to the point where they are ready to not be pregnant anymore. There are so many natural things that happen during the last couple weeks of pregnancy to prepare a woman for having a baby. In our case, I don't have all of those things happening, but I still am emotionally preparing to become a mother. There has still been a process of grieving the things I am missing out on, but there has also been a process of becoming established in God's individual plan for my life. I can not express my joy at the thought of becoming a mom, but also, I can not express the emotions that come along with this whole adoption process.
Here is a (short) list of things I am most excited about in becoming a MOM! - 30 things for my 30 years I have spent waiting and praying for this moment
1. teaching him about The Lord and training him to memorize scripture
3. sharing my wacky sense of humor
4. dressing him up in adorable baby clothes
5. sharing Red River with him
6. laughing at baby phrases as he learns to talk
7. teaching him about the world
8. building "forts" out of blankets
9. making mundane things into adventures
10. watching him make friends
11. playing board games
12. teaching him to be strong when he is afraid
13. going to the zoo
14. walking him around the neighborhood in a stroller, then on a bike, then on a hovercraft (I mean, hey, it could happen, right?)
15. teaching him how to snow ski
16. teaching him how to water ski
18. reading books for hours together
19. playing tricks on his dad
20. hiking together as a family
21. eventually introducing him to my favorite nerd pleasures: star wars, harry potter, mystery science theater 3000, and NASA
22. being a stabilizing force in his life - I want him to never doubt that I love him or am there for him
23. playing on the playground
24. playing make-believe
25. having long talks about life with him as he grows up
26. instilling good values into his life structure
27. taking him to church and seeing his eyes light up as he learns Bible stories
28. singing songs together
29. comforting him when he is hurt or sad
30. hearing him call me "mom"
In the last 4 weeks, we have had 4 baby showers, dinners with friends, celebrations of birthdays, friends coming to visit, a dog who tore her ACL, lots of organization of baby things, research, meetings, doctor appointments, classes, appointments with the agency, and of course, work and normal life as well! Needless to say, it has flown by and been a bit overwhelming!! Here are a few pictures to document!
My baby shower at work! (These people are AMAZING!!)
Jaime and Alina came to visit from Georgia!
My cute registry at a local boutique
My mom made beautiful bedding! Once she delivered it, I realized my painting doesn't match, so I made a new one!
She also made beautiful burp cloths and changing pads, and bibs!
My shower thrown by my mother-in-law's friends!
Our shower from our church friends
I don't have any pictures to prove it, but Austin and I also celebrated our anniversary last night! PHEW!!!
It has been a whirlwind!! I am so grateful for everyone who has contributed to our baby gear and who has offered so much emotional and spiritual support to us during this time. We are more blessed than we could ever ask to be! I am constantly amazed at God's mercy and love through all of these people. I am so grateful to be able to walk through this life with my wonderful husband, awesome family, and amazing friends. I can't wait for the next HUGE chapter of our lives to begin in ONE WEEK AND ONE DAY!!!
Even though it has been a whirlwind with many ups and downs, we are still SO confirmed in the decision to adopt, and we have been so blessed beyond measure through this process. It has shown us the very heart of God in having grace and mercy on us when we don't understand His plan. It has also shown us how silly we must seem to Him when we make comments to Him about the things happening in our lives. It has made me love HIM so much more, and it has allowed me to feel so much more confident that He loves me, regardless of my ignorance or my constant failures. He is amazing. This is my largest take-away.... other than becoming a mom! :)