Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Seasons aren't just for weather...

About this time of year I start feeling like expletives are the only way to communicate a little grumpy. There are several reasons for my grumpiness, but I will whittle down the list to the top three: it's too cold, it's too dark, and it's the last week of November, and I'm already sick of Christmas stuff!!! Ok, phew. That's off my chest! Don't get me wrong, I REALLY love the sweetness and magic that come with it: snow, seeing the trees bare and exposed, the world turning white, celebrating the birth of Christ with generosity and peace on earth. I just wish I could experience it all while still being able to feel my fingers and see 5 feet in front of me at 6pm without the help of 3,000 twinkle lights.This leads me into my point.

Seasons. When you hear the word you usually think of the little chart you had in kindergarten with four squares all showing the same tree through the different times of the year: bare, with leaves, with leaves and flowers, with brown falling leaves. Am I right?! Well, for the last few years, when I hear "seasons", I think of different stops on our journey of life. I have experienced a few different seasons in the last few years. The last one I experienced seemed to endure for centuries. I label it "waiting". I was constantly waiting for the next thing. I was waiting to get married. I was waiting for my life to start. I was waiting to find my niche. I was waiting to feel a part of something. I was waiting for my calling. Before that, I experienced "working and learning". I worked hard in college and nursing school to move forward and achieve my goal. I also learned so much about God, the world, and how to survive.

My current season? "adjustment". I got married. I moved across the country. I started a new job (which sucked the very soul out of my being). I left that job and began a whole new career. I have joined a new church and new denomination. I am making new friends. I have to travel by plane to see my family. I am on a budget for the first time. I have to consult with someone on every decision. I no longer live alone and can leave laundry in the dryer for a week or two. And the list continues...This season of adjustment has had many wonderful things associated with it, but there have also been some trials. I have learned a lot.

My Lesson. I believe the Lord is teaching me, more than ever before, how completely out of control I am. I don't mean out of control like a college kid on spring break. I mean, I literally have ZERO control in how things will turn out in life! I can do my best to make wise choices, but in the end, God is ultimately in control.  In a way, it is quite refreshing to know that I don't have the pressure to make everything perfect. In another way, it is scary to relinquish control of your own life and realize that you have no power to make things turn out the way you want them to. For example: When I was praying about leaving the soul-sucking job, I was searching relentlessly for a new job that I might like. I wanted a good schedule, holidays off, equal or comparable pay, etc. I even interviewed for a couple of positions, but nothing panned out. I finally gave up. I stopped looking for a new job, and decided that I would just be miserable in my job until my husband won the lottery and I could quit. That's when I got the text message. sweet, blessed text message. A friend of my mother-in-law's is the director of the vocational nursing division at Amarillo College. One of the instructors under her turned in her notice mid-semester, leaving a position available. Before the job was even posted, I received a text asking if I would ever want to leave oncology nursing and teach. (!!!!!) I applied, interviewed, and got the job within a few weeks! Now, this job is part of my adjustment process. It, of course, is a bit overwhelming going from administering chemo to developing lectures, teaching, and grading, but I feel more blessed than ever. It has shown me that there is a much larger spoon stirring my pot than I could ever even hold.

My next season? It's hard to say! I am just grateful that it isn't up to me. I'm learning to appreciate each season as it comes. Just like I don't want to celebrate Christmas before we've eaten the Turkey and given thanks, I don't want to miss out on the blessings that come from each spiritual season. The truth is, regardless what season it is, I am learning to appreciate the beauty while developing character as I overcome the trials. So, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!

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